Effeminate Dudes and Rampant Nymphomania

You do not fuck with Strapping Young Lad For Sooooooo many reasons:

lol @ early 90’s video

It’s always pleasant to return to one of your all time favorite bands, as I have over the past week. There isn’t much I can really say about them, if you don’t already know them via me then you’re probably not interested (I try and limit the amount of metal I post, sticking to more funny/offensive/vulgar things). But still, this song is probably my favorite, simply for the awesome break into a simple but fuckton effective chord pattern at around 2:50. The lyrics, the youthful energy, masculine aggression…everything about it is just so god damn Strapping Young Lad! Genuinely pissed I missed ever seeing them live, especially after their amazing set at download a few years back.

Ladies and Gentlemen! Stick this in your fucking cunt!

On a much, much gheyer note, here is some uber faggy crunkcore esque stuff I’ve just discovered from an apparently malnourished little scenebro called Romance on a Rocketship.

Bro…eat a sandwich or something!

Here is a rather cutesy video in which, as a friend put it, he draws Simba and daydreams in class about being straight. Press play for rampant autotune abuse and silly hair.

For some reason this makes me think of Back to The Future, with a cute lion.

Still, while the more cynical side of me wants to nuggy the guy and call him a “faggot”, the video is kind of a classic heartwarming cutesy plot, which has been done again and again for many many maltstream bands. Ultimately, the quirky alt dude gets the hot mainstream chick, class gets cancelled, and the nasty jock gets mauled by a lion. Apparently summoned as the guy’s “power animal”.

Still, at times he seems to come of as more creepy than sincere.

“I’m trying to be a gentleman so please don’t make me ask again…”

Still, this dude is pretty huge right now, and with the whole “alternative but ultimately non threatening” vibe that chicks lap right up, it’s not hard to imagine him hitting it big soon.

In keeping up to date with the metal scene, and wading through many, many mediocre releases, I am used to treating all female or “female fronted” bands with deep suspicion, as this is usually a huge gimmick on the part of some silly symphonic band from Scandinavia that Nuclear Blast will churn out the new version of monthly, featuring long songs, tedium and fucking self insisting operatic vocals leaking from every whored out gaping orifice.

However they recently gave me Indica, who are different enough to provide a rather pleasant pass. They’re from (where the fuck else) Finland, and at times do morph into pseudo classical gheyness, but most of the time have a far more credible sound, that is much more classic metal, with synth parts augmenting the rest, instead of taking over and rapeing everything into oblivion.

I guess I just like the singer’s voice, it’s kina sharp and almost scolding, instead of fannying around in some octave in the clouds, ala every other female singer in metal.

Also, go to 3:10 for confused Japanese man standing right in the shot grinning like a tool.

Speaking of girls in music…

We all remember the Millionaires very well, and the furror that occurs whenever they are posted, as I try and point out that hey, maybe girls having fun isn’t a bad thing. Well, I am sorry, truly, truly sorry, because I seem to have unleashed a far greater evil upon the world, ushering in a new wave of nymphomaniac girl “bands”, taking it all to its logical, very sticky conclusion.

Watching this feels like hiring a prostitute, then at the last moment realising you don’t really want to do this, but it’s too late and she’s in your apartment, and pulls you down on top of her, and you try to get away, but she’s freakishly street-strong, and proceeds to rape you, take money from your wallet, and leave you sobbing on the rug curled up in the fetal position.