So music and boring nerd shit aside for a second, I’ve spend all the time since i got home lounging around in the same basketball shorts and vest that i also sleep in (on an entirely nocturnal basis, this is like the early afternoon for me), painting warhammer, masturbating, watching porn and action films, and am currently halfway through the Jean Claude Van Damme box set, in the middle of “Double Team”.
It’s turning out to be pretty cool, maybe not as awesome as Universal Soldier or Double Impact, but still has it’s share of fuck yea. So far he dived over a baby to protect it from a grenade that he just through out of it’s cot (slow motion, of course), cut the skin off his thumb to fool a print reader, driven though some army complex in a fucking dump truck (causing everything it touches to blow up in gloriously gratuitous orange explosions), and he just asked some guy in a plane wheather or not he was wearing a parachute before kicking him out, thus ensuring his safety and allowing Van Damme a clean conscience.
Also, he apaz plays teh Warcraft
So yeah, music, I haven’t actually been listening to much recently, due to, as I said, watching porn and action films, and while I’d love to post some of my favorite clips from tube8, and detail why I prefer Stoya to Sasha Grey, or some choice tweets from James Deen (from “today I woke up and felt kina sad, then I remembered that I bang chicks for a living and everything was ok again :), to “this is what it looks like to fuck both Joanna Angel and Bobbi Starr”), some fag would probably object, so instead, you get action films.
Another awesome non Van Damme star who isn’t in “The Expendables” is Steven Seagal and his massive face. I may get his box set at some point too, “the legacy”:
As you can see, all 3 shots on the box show him bearing the exact same expression, which is pretty much constant throughout his entire career. It is a face of “gritty determination”, which is shared by many an action hero, although Seagal adds to his a slight air of quiet confidence, and much less actual emotion than all the other Van Dammes and Stathams out there, which is kind of saying something. Occationally though, he will break his poker face during fight scenes, during which he puts on the kind of tight lipped wince normally seen by dads lifting something heavy.
Also, while many action stars will at some point meet with some kind of equal opponent at some point in the film, and maybe get beaten up a bit untill some little asian kid or someone tells them that they believe in them or something, Seagal pretty much never is in any trouble in any fight I think I’ve ever seen him in on film. Seriously, no one ever even lands a punch on the guy. From start to finish he’s just strolling forwards with his confident gritty determination, while forcing peoples faces through glass windows.
Seagal + Gary Busey = Awesome
Jason Statham, helping the English to doc their dorky sidekick/villan stereotype
I got Ryan to like action films the other night, mainly with “an evening with Jason Statham”, that we kina devised, featuring The Transporter 2, Cranks 1 & 2, and with Kiss of The Dragon with Jet Li in the middle, for a break, so as to speak. Anyway, the crank films are probably the closest I’ve ever seen someone get to recreating the air of the GTA games in a film, with the fast paced non stop amoral action violence, and a soundtrack by Mike Patton to boot. There, that got you faggots interested, you love that guy, and now this film by proxy.
So there, I would write more, but Richards probably gonna take over the TV to watch Battlestar Galactica if I don’t get back down to Van Damme soon, so yeah, watch action films, and let me know if you see a face other than “gritty determination”.