Actual Hedonism and some terrible crunkcore to help you get laid

Remember when we used to do those playlists, and the first one was meant to be about Hedonism, and instead, because everyone suffers from the ultra conservative pseudo christian view that fun/alcohol/sex/dance partys = bad, and instead did songs about either being tired or regretting drinking so much. Well, the only truly hedonistic song on the list was one of mine, “Everywhere I Go”, by Hollywood Undead, featuring liberal use of the word “bitch”, and an opening verse which sums up my past year and awesome scene hedonism in general:

Wake up, grab beer, grab rear, shave beard put on some Scene gear
Gotta get drunk before my mum wakes up,
break up with my girlfriend so I can bang sluts

Take note everyone! No mention of being tired, hangovers, or any kind of regret!

Also totally dig to the line “I wana take you home but your friends won’t let you“.

T Mills is another one of those uber autotuned scene douchnozzles, although I totally dig most of his Jamz. He also understands the concept of hedonism and fun, and thus has many many party tunes with plenty of pointers as to how to act in order to get laid #srsly. In fact, I have actually before snuck some T Mills lines into conversation before, with just the right timing to come off as a cocky asshole in an attractive way. I’ve used the opening line to this song, “Girls Gone Wild”, “shut up girl, I know just what you’re thinking” before (with success), and probably more without remembering. It’s the kind of thing I always do which I know is totally lame, but no knows I’m doing it, so it never comes to light what a dork I actually am.

Oh yeah, I’ve also said “you should probably just face it, I’m the fucking best“, although adding “I’m so high I need a spaceship“, would probably have been pushing it too far :/

Kina reminds me of this time a few years back when I was only about 16, when me and Chris were hanging out on a beach before we’d figured girls out, and I was kina crushing on this Danish girl. She was mega hot, and thus was being hit on constantly, moreso considering how slimey French guys are. I was in kina a hyper, don’t really give a fuck mood, and was being a playful dick to everyone hitting on her, calling them out on their shit, and even being aloof to her and her friend. She was paying way more attention to me than anyone else, but Chris convinced me that she was out of my league, and thus a waste of time. Only now with more experience/hindsight, did we figure out that I was actually pretty in there. Chris recently apologised for indirectly cockblocking me, when he should have been guiding it.

Blood On The Dance Floor are probably the gayest band on the planet, consisting of 2 mega douchy scene kids, one of whom I think is actually gay. This song, “Well Suck Me”, about the awesome practice of receiving oral sex, and is as well as being totally gay, also really fucking catchy and fun.

Whenever possible, I try to have this song playing when getting head, and it helped that the same week I discovered the song I managed to get it from 4 different girls, thus creating a permanent mental bridge. Earlier this summer actually I was mid blow job when the girl (who I had previously introduced to the song), paused to say “an Ice cream stick?”, causing us to both burst out laughing. Spread it round some of my course mates last year too, who also agreed on it being gay/catchy/awesome, and so for a period whenever I walked in on the group I’d say “The girlies suck my dick, like an Ice cream stick“, to which the questioning reply would come “an Ice cream stick”, before I resolved the queery by shouting “AN ICE CREAM STICK!”

Finally, what would a post on hedonism be without a return to my beloved Brokencyde! Although Freaxxx may be their most famous song, my personal favorite is probably 40 oz or Skeet Skeet:

let me show you what your boyfriend can’t do“, is probably the critical cocky asshole line here, and also one I’ve regrettably utilised.

This is hedonism, and the practice of disregarding everything for the pursuit of gratification. You fucking enjoy it, and don’t ever stop to feel guilty. And you definitely don’t fucking start complaining about being tired.

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3 thoughts on “Actual Hedonism and some terrible crunkcore to help you get laid

  1. phil,

    i totally don’t get how this: “French guys are more slimy than Charlie Reynard” doesn’t get censored and my playful comment about alex did.

    you suck.

    good post joe xx

  2. LOL finally i found someone with the same views as me! haha i enjoyed readin this while toking up man
    especially the shit bout Mills hahah S.W.E.D

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